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People struggling with cancer need to know you care. So often, we are paralyzed by our fear of saying or doing the “wrong thing.” And we end up doing nothing at all. So if there is one piece of advice we can give you it is “DO SOMETHING!” Find a way to show you care. Remember, depression often follows a cancer diagnosis (in both the patient and the caregiver), and a common symptom of depression is isolation. On our site you can find many ideas on how you can show someone they are not alone (gifts, acts of service, cards, etc). We have compiled some advice based on our experiences, and though no two people are the same, we think they are helpful guidelines.
- Don’t be afraid to ASK. If you don’t know whether they want to talk about their condition, ask them. You might say, “I’d love to know how you’re doing, but if you’d rather not talk about it, we could also watch a movie (play a game, cook together, etc).” Some people find it helpful to talk through their treatments, others are sick and tired of talking about cancer and just want to feel “normal.” So your best bet is to be straight-forward and just ASK.
- Don’t be afraid of silence. It is nice to know someone is there, even if you are both reading a book or watching TV.
- Attempt to contact the caregiver with questions about how you can help or when you can visit. The patient can be overwhelmed by this, so if you know there is a best-friend/parent/loved-one caring for them, contact that person first. Always call before a hospital visit to find out if the patient is up for seeing you.
- Don’t worry about saying something to make them “feel better.” It isn’t going to work, and they usually just need an understanding and compassionate ear. Empathize and let them know you are thinking about them or praying for them.
- If the patient is someone you wouldn’t normally sit and talk with or visit in their home, then consider sending something instead of a personal visit.
- If you do visit, consider bringing an activity or a meal. The patient does not want to feel like they are responsible for “entertaining guests.” Consider yourself the host.
- Cancer can be a long battle. Remember that the patient needs to know you care two-years into their battle as much as they do the week of their diagnosis. Be willing to commit to encouraging them for the long haul.
- Don’t forget the CAREGIVER. They need all of the above as much as the patient does. If the caregiver is burnt out and drained, it affects the care of the patient. Ask what you can do to help and encourage them about the service they are doing each day.
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